They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
May the power of my ass compel you!!
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Randomize
