East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
Randomize
