Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
