his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize
