Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
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