Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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