when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Randomize
