Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
