am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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