White coat. Heels.
Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
