Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Randomize
