Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
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