remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
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