I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
