I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
