She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
