He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Randomize
