You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize
