he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Are we still banned from the library?
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
