I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
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