What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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