listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
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