Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Randomize
