and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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