I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Randomize
