woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
Randomize
