it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Randomize
