I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
Nicole vs. Life
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
