She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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