so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Randomize
