We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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