Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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