people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
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