she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Randomize
