That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
Randomize
