We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
Randomize
