New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
Randomize
