Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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