Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Randomize
