I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Randomize
