It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Randomize
