yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Randomize
