what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
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