there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Randomize
