their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
