I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
