i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
