Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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