I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
