Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
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