he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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