we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Randomize
