they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
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