I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Randomize
