we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
